Question:
Here is the dating paradox: Why are all the good guys already taken? Why are my friends' husbands all such wonderful people, and the guys I meet all seem to be missing something?
Answer:
It's not that the good guys are taken—it is that a "taken" guy is more desirable. Loving and being loved brings out the best in us. So a guy in a relationship does have something that the available guys are missing—someone to love.
A painting will always look better once it is framed and hung on the wall. A couch is far more attractive in a home than in a showroom. And people are more beautiful when they have found love. The human soul is only truly itself when it has opened up to someone else.
When we love someone, we are more alive. Our feelings are more vivid, our sensitivity is heightened and our personalities flourish. When we are loved by someone, we feel more confident and free, content and complete.
We can share love with our family and friends, but until we find our soulmate we are only half a person. It is when man and woman come together that they are the image of G‑d, they are complete.
You can't go furniture shopping in someone else's living room. And you can't compare the guys you date to your friends' husbands. A complete person doesn't need you. A half seeking their missing half does.
Feel your halfness, and recognize the halfness in another. Then you'll find there are plenty of wonderful guys out there. One is waiting for you. Without you, he's only half the guy he could be.
Aron Moss is rabbi of the Nefesh Community in Sydney, Australia, and is a frequent contributor to Chabad.org.